He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
