You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
