i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
