New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
