You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
