rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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