I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
