Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who died my cat blue again?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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