I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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