I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
