I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
