Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
