just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
