Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
