So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
