I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
