my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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