Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
