the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
