i already hear my dad disowning me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
