I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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