A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
