life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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