Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
