take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
