Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
