Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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