dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
