And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
