so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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