12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
