no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
false alarm, still single
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
