LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
