the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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