haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
