Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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