she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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