Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
