My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
