I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
