Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
