I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said her name was "party"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
