she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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