It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
