so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
