I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
