did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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