You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
