Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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