She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
